I experience racism all the time. Yes, in California, yes in the Bay Area, and yes, especially in Marin County. Sadly it has been something I have accepted and learned to adapt to. My grief the last few weeks stems from the realization of how much, over the course of my life, racism HAS actually affected me. My ability to disassociate with this trauma in my day to day is frightening to me and is why I have been feeling so much grief and sadness these last few weeks.

It’s all coming out. One soppy, messy tear at a time.

For most of my adult life I have focused on 'the bright side’ that my privileged, light complexion has afforded me. This privilege has often led me to be passive about racist issues that I experience on a day to day basis and the tragedies that my black community suffers from. In my desperate attempt to fit in and survive in this world I have betrayed myself and my black heritage. The age of silence is over. I’m done trying to fit into the mold of what society wants me to be. I need to do better. I need to do better for myself and for my daughter.

“The beauty of anti-racism is that you don’t have to pretend to be free of racism to be anti-racist. Anti-racism is the commitment to fight racism wherever you find it, including in yourself. And it’s the only way forward.”

- Ijeoma Oluo

This has been my favorite quote that has come out of the Black Lives Matter movement because I think it helps to bridge the gap between white privilege and black lives. It is my hope and my ask that you too self-reflect on ways that your privilege has made you passive.

I am a black biracial woman, which often puts me in a place of privilege while at the same time I feel the generation pain, frustration and injustices from racism in this country.

This is my story… Please read with an open heart.